tough love

Much like everyone else, when I perceive something in my life to lack balance, I become convinced that my life is a hopeless series of disastrous errors from which I shall never recover. It's kind of like Voltaire's Candide, which, incidentally (although of course not accidentally) is one of my all-time favorite books, both because it is hilarious (the professor teaches the maid "experimental physics" in the bushes? come on -- that's hysterical) but also because it strikes a chord and reminds me of the silk road to satisfaction: cultivating one's garden.

And what, you ask, does that even mean? Very little, really. Indeed, if I climbed to the top of a mountain and asked some ancient monk the secret to life, searching for answers to the ultimate question ("what I should do with my life?") and that monk responded, "you should cultivate your garden," I'm not sure I'd find it as satisfying as I do. But it could mean whatever you need it to mean. Usually for me it means "stop looking for foreign solutions to your dissatisfaction; you can't escape issues, you have to deal with them, so do what it takes to make yourself happy where you are." Of course, that one time it meant "go to that expensive garden shop on 14th St. and plant a jungle in your backyard." Update: All those plants were dead within a month.

I like useless answers like this garden cultivation one; call me hokey but I enjoy cliche phrases you could apply to almost anything. I could talk in metaphors all day long if it didn't annoy people so much.

Friend: Kato, I don't know what to do. Graduate school is so long and expensive, and I make good money now without it. But will I be satisfied at work without higher education?
Me: Well, I think you're having trouble seeing the forest through the trees here. And you have to think: a rolling stone gathers no moss, right? So, grab life by the b*lls and say, Hey! This blossom is ready to bloom!
Friend: ... I'm defriending you.

Fortunately, most people do not see the world the same way I do -- they think and speak in concrete terms. I go to those people for advice.

Me: Lauren #1, I don't know what to do. I feel like I've outgrown my shell and I need to move on but it seems like every train is just passing me by. What's my next step?
Lauren #1: Sign up for the GREs. Also, I just defriended you.

Lauren #1 -- the perfect kick in the *ss when you need it. Thanks, love!