wave on wave

So it's Memorial Day Weekend -- 3 glorious office-free days marking the official kick-off to summer, my #1 favorite thing about DC. Am I at the beach, playing in the waves, soaking up the sun, building sand castles and reading my novel-du-jour? No. I'm home in DC, celebrating the start of the tourist season. Already the city is teeming with them! I went for a run by the White House today just to see them. Then I kept on going down to the Mall to see some more. I chatted with a few, but mostly I laid in the grass and watched. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an inverted zoo where I get to watch Americans, a rare and unfamiliar species. They think they're here to see the sights, but really they're my entertainment. I don't fully understand them, their politics or their fanny-packs, but I like them. They're so wholesome... or something. They at least make me feel better about my wardrobe.

Erol said that when he first moved here, he thought he'd be annoyed by the tourists, but instead he finds that he likes them. They confirm the value of the city he adopted. They remind him that he's "somewhere," doing "something."

It's funny with the Sex and the City movie coming out because there are SATC marathons on TV (watching one now!) glorifying New York and groups of girlfriends. Television confirms value in the same way that tourists do, only on a much larger scale and with better outfits. People don't necessarily think of DC as having the same glam-factor as NYC, but the way I see it, that's largely arbitrary. And besides, I feel the same way about this place as Carrie feels about New York.

At the end of the series, Carrie gives up the city she loves for a man. My life isn't quite like that (understatement of the century!), but something might take me away from here eventually. In starting to think about school, I inevitably have to think about a new "home" and although it's at least a year away (and not even certain that I'd go away), it makes me sad to think that someday I won't be here.

Last night Erol and I started talking about the future. With his career aspirations it's almost guaranteed that he'll move overseas, multiple times. In the end, though, he sees himself here. He sees me here too: "You'll leave, but you'll be back." What, am I the Terminator?

I wonder, though, if the city would have the same charm a second time. I'm inconsolable every time I leave Rhode Island, but every time I go back it's a pale shadow of the place I used to know. I know the roads by heart, but the drive is empty -- my life simply isn't there anymore, no matter how much I miss it. And my town in Freiburg (although just as beautiful and chock full of memories and charm), well, it just wasn't the same when I went back to visit. Will that happen to DC?

In the end, it's probably not the city but the lifestyle that I love. And it's shifting as we speak. The way I see the world has changed, continues to change. I'm not the same girl I was when I as 20 -- or 22, for that matter. Thank God. There's a line from a song that always made so much sense to me: "I want you to change, but still stay the same." Well, world? Can you handle that?

In the end, I guess I have no choice but to embrace the tidal wave of tomorrows that are staring me down. It's a tsunami, betches. You can't avoid it. All you can do is head for higher ground -- which I suppose could mean higher education. ... Or a playground jungle gym. MY YOUTH IS NOT YET DEAD!!!