sex and the crazy

Women are dominating in the news category lately, thus answering the age-old feminist question, "Where are the women?" They're sipping cosmos and gabbing about how that one scene in the Sex and the City movie is exactly what happened to them that one time with so-and-so... and not caring that the U.S. just missed out (again) on a serious female presidential candidate. We're preoccupied with "Big"-ger issues -- such as, does over-the-top romantic love exist? And, if so, do you think I might have it with that cute guy at the bar?

I cried alternating tears of joy and heartbreak throughout the entire movie -- thanks for the hormones, Yaz, it's a real laugh-a-minute! -- but at the end I had to restrain myself from throwing my cell phone through the screen. How could she? And the movie completely trivialized what is probably the most important reason people get married: to protect yourself legally and financially in the event that the life you build with someone falls apart and you need to go your separate ways. It's not really a romantic decision, it's a rational business decision to not get f*cked over by someone you've f*cked over and over again.

And Big, that *sshole. So she wanted a fancy wedding. So what? That man could never just do something for her, he could never just give her the things that were clearly important to her. I guess to a thrice-married sociopath like him, weddings are old hat -- or just another opportunity to show her that she wants him more than he wants her. What a f*ck. Stupid Carrie, she's getting a lifetime of disappointment with that man.

Further, what's the moral of the story? You need to maintain close relationships with your friends, and they'll help you through every ordeal you face? That's fine -- except that already at 24, I find that my coupled friends are already completely disinterested in working on any relationship that isn't with their significant other. People in couples tend to create their own universe together and systematically exclude the rest of us (at least until they need a shoulder to cry on or a sympathetic ear to b*tch to), which is stupid and short-sighted and obnoxious. I can't imagine that will improve with children and advancing careers. So while the 4 women in the Sex series might have some superhuman ability to be and stay BFF despite their romantic lives, I'm not counting on my life looking like that. Instead, I'll be patiently waiting for everyone to leave the "wedding" phase and enter the "divorce" phase, which will certainly perk up my social life.

...

Sometimes I catch myself expending mental energy on things like Sex and the City and wish I could will myself to die. Honestly. It's ridiculous -- I'm a smart girl, I graduated cum laude from a prestigious university, I have a legitimate job and there are probably a million other things I could spend my time thinking about. It's downright eerie to me how much of my brain activity is involuntarily dedicated to relationships -- not only romantic relationships, but relationships with friends and family members and the world around me. Lauren #1 says it's just science; women are nurturers, full of hormones and advanced linguistic ability and so on. I could blame science but I'm more of the school of thought that I've chosen to be vapid, and if I really wanted to suppress these thoughts I could. Harsh.

It's not easy to ignore the thoughts though. Yesterday there was no escaping the useless inner dialogue about the connections between people; the ones I have, the ones I lack. It was more than just the movie and my crazy, crazy brain -- the night before I had come face-to-face with my own physical vulnerability and then, in my empty apartment at 2am, the fact that when it comes down to it, I'm all alone. So I roamed the streets downtown, making a half-hearted attempt to find the perfect summer sexy outfit and then wondering why I was even bothering -- how much of working on my appearance is for me, and how much is for the men who eye-f*ck me on the street? And what do I really want from men, anyway -- another hit of oxytocin to feed my addiction? That's healthy.

Oh, wasted hours considering questions without answers. I should add that to my list of interests on the Facebook.com.