erol eats babies

It's funny how it was always an unspoken fact that someday I'd grow up and everyone would be married and everyone would have babies of their own, and when that phase shows up I'm caught completely off-guard. What'd I think was going to happen? There'd be a Coming of Age ritual, some sort of formal commencement ceremony that would release my peers and I into "the world" to begin our adult lives?

...


Oh, wait, you mean that commencement ceremony? Sh*t. Yeah, looking back on it, I guess that makes sense. Seems I missed the boat on that one. Bigtime.

Erol, the horrible baby-eating ogre I live with, is expecting his first nephew in about 3 months. Normally I'm not much of a baby-cooer, but I am so freaking excited for this one to show up. I think it's because it'll be the first baby to whose family I've had any relationship whatsoever in over a decade.

Seriously, who has babies?

I find it difficult to imagine ever being ready for a kid of my own (or of a close friend), but I'm really excited that I'll know someone with a baby. I'm told I can babysit it if I want to, but I'm more into "Oh, this is noisy/wet/stinky/heavy, you can take it back now" than "Why, certainly, noisy/wet/stinky/heavy baby, I would be honored and delighted to wipe your *ss. But you should know that it's payback time when I meet your first girlfriend."

Frankly, though, I feel like I'd do a better job babysitting than Erol, who'd probably prop up the kid on the couch with some old socks and then start asking what he thought about such-and-such an article in last week's Economist.

"WHOA WHOA, Baby!! Did you just poop on the carpet?!?"

Haha I would pay so much money to see that.

Oh, which leads me to a hilarious gem from the Interweb: